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Current Music:So Damn Clever by Plain White T's
Current Location:My Bedroom
Time:10:49 am
Current Mood:disappointedhurt
Within the last two days I've realized many things and a lot of them aren't very good but I suppose its always nice to realize some of these things in order to stop getting hurt. First off Thursday night I realized that there are not many people you can trust in this world if not anyone but yourself. I would like to think that I still have a handful of friends who I can trust but after the events of Thursday night I'm not so sure.... Someone gave my livejournal from Thursday afternoon to my ex Justin. He told me who did it but she wont admit to it which makes me question both of them. One he's never had a livejournal nor heard of it and for the most part he was pretty much leaving me alone. Then her on the other hand who does have a livejournal, who is friends with him too who has gone and talked to him about me  before, really makes it seem like she did do it because well for one she is the only one who has my livejournal out here at school. I don't know who to believe and what not but at the moment I truly dislike them both a whole lot more then I ever think I could. I think maybe if the person who did it admitted up to it and said sorry I would be able to forgive them but if not then otherwise I have some very not nice things to say to that person. You are a horrible person who is not satisfied with your life and lives off of ours pain and hurt and all you want to do is cause DRAMA, and in that case I know you will get yours in the end. However, until then I never want to see you, speak to you again because people who say there trustworthy and friends or are a good person in the end your none of that but just pure evil!!! I would also say I hope you go to hell but I don't believe in heaven or hell. Now when it comes down to it who do I trust, well I trust myself and maybe about two or three of my other good friends and that is about it. Because I'm so sick of the bullshit where oh she did that and he did that but there is no proof of what just the entry and well who to believe... basically no one because if he cant prove it and she cant prove it then I trust neither. It's over, I'm sick of when things start to go okay and good someone has to come in and ruin them.

The next thing was my weekend turned out to suck a whole lot even though its not over with yet. Alex did come Thursday night and I was so excited and happy to see him and I believe he was with me too. However, when Friday morning came it started off with him saying we should go to Pittsburgh instead and I'm like thinking okay but why in my head, I was so excited for Cleveland. Well when we left and got going we actually never ended up in Pittsburgh nor Cleveland we ended up at the Erie Mall and walking around. I wasn't very happy at all but it was almost like what could I do about it anyway.  I kept looking up thinking well its still early maybe we would end up in Cleveland after all. However when we got out to the car he asked if I minded if we went to Best buy and then headed back to Fredonia and he would take me for some lunch but he just didn't want to go to Cleveland, I didnt really say to much of anything because I was disappointed and hurt. I started to wonder and think what was this weekend all about...At Applebee's I asked him why we didnt end up going and he said it was because his youngest brother was all alone but he is like 20years old and he needed to help him out. I still think thats all some bullshit. I told him that I thought it was because he was still with the one girl he was with in septemeber and supposively engaged too and I was like I think her name was Amanda and he said no and just quickly changed the subject. He brought me back here to my place and we came upstairs and there was so much I wanted to say to him but I wasnt sure how to... He started kissing and making out with me and I pulled away every time and wouldnt let him and then I finally asked him do you have a girlfriend and he said no. Then I stupidly let him kiss me and hugged him closely and told him I missed him and he ask how much and then that was when I started to tell him some of the things that I had been meaning to tell him forever there just was never a right time. Right after I told him I missed him he and he told me that he didnt have a girlfriend he said that I think we should just be friends for now and I said okay and I told him that no matter what happened between us there will always be a part of me that will love him forever. He was truly my first love and he truly put me through hell and back. I continued to say a couple of things like the fact that I would always love him no matter what happened and he told me that I was good with my words and that he wasnt good with his. He told me not to cry because I looked like I was going to cry. I said to myself if there is one guy who can still make me cry its Alex but I kept thinking I'm strong and he wont get the oppurnity to see me cry again. He has in the past and I've made him cry once but it wasnt happening again especially not after I've grown into such a strong person. So I got up off of my bed and walked downstairs to go over to campus to meet Kristin and Lexie because it became a girls night with junk food and movies. I guess now looking back at it I was thinking he just came down here because he wanted some and since I wouldnt give it to him thats why we never made it to Cleveland but then again Kristin brought up a good point that if that was the case why wait until now. Which is technically true and for me I will never figure Alex out and he's way of going about things at all. I do however like to keep telling myself its because he is still scared of a committment that was always our reason and problem before. But he is 24 years old a man now and he has run out of accuse and reasons. And not that I have run out of love for him but he has given me enough disappointment and hurt to probably last a lifetime. He told me before he left that he would owe me and we would go to another to Cleveland another time and that he would still take me to a Bill's game when football starts up. And then at Applebee's when we were talking about Michigan and I said to him that he never got the chance to go to Ann Arbor he said well maybe we could go when school starts back up because then he wont have Summer classes and what not that it would be easier for him. I'm thinking to myself just more empty and broken promises or plans to look forward too. Great Alex just keep giving me reasons to look forward to more emptiness from you. And I thought you had changed.... I mean I could see some of it but you're still the same guy I loved who has changed a little but yet still full of disappointments and hurt for me.

Later that night watching the movie Heartbreakers and what a good movie is that. He sent me a text message at 10pm saying HI Leslie, I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay last night. I was happy to see you. Have a good night.  And I couldnt believe that like what the fuck are you doing. I dont want to talk to you at the moment my good and fun weekend was ruin you did it and no I'm not going to have a fucking good night because you are an asshole.

"There's only one man.... And he is an ASSHOLE!!!!"
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Current Music:Who's to say by Vanessa Carlton
Current Location:Bedroom
Subject:Who's To Say
Time:08:24 am
I'm loving this song at the moment. Great lyrics that really have a deeper meaning or mean something to me at the moment, with a certain situation that I'm in....

Stand up straight
Do your trick
Turn on the stars
Jupiter shines so bright
When you're around
They tell us slow down
We're too young, you need to grow
The speed's the key
And they don't know who we are

And who's to say that we're not good enough
And who's to say that this is not our love

Mother, don't tell me friends are the ones that I lose
Cause they'd bleed before you
And sometimes family are the ones you'd choose
It's too late now
I hold on to this life I found

And who's to say we won't burn it out
And who's to say we won't sink in doubt
Who's to say that we won't fade to grey
Who are they anyway
Anyway they don't know

And you say we're too young
But maybe you're too old to remember
And I try to pretend but I just feel it when we're together
And if you don't believe me, you never really knew us
You never really knew

You and I, packin' up my room, we feel alright
But we're not welcome
Soon we'll be drivin', cause they don't know who we are

Who's to say we won't stay together
Who's to say we aren't getting stronger
Who's to say I can't live without you, oh
Who are they anyway
Anyway they don't know

And you say we're too young
But maybe you're too old to remember
And I try to pretend, but I just feel it when we're together
Who is to say
And who is to say
And who are they anyway

Stand up boy, I shine so bright when you're around
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Current Music:Hawthrone Heights
Time:09:05 am
Current Mood:indifferentindifferent
A whole lot of give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break

Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you everytime you
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt every fear
Every worry every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall

Forget about the world tonight
All thats wrong and all thats right
Lay your head on my shoulder let it fade away
And if you wanna let go its okay
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Subject:Does it even matter?
Time:10:56 am
You were always the kind of boy who swallowed tears like your pride and hoped to wish away the world and hide all that you felt inside. This type of apology works for you but I can see straight through your lies, I'd wish that it were only true, we'd kiss until our fear subsides. The fragile nature of your breaking heart and the way it breaks for only you. And the saturnine sunsets that burn up the sky outside my window can't be quenched by the rain, put out by my tears but are just fuelled by loneliness and hurt. These words weren't put in my mouth, forced into my hand but forever I'd recite them in dark hallways, against cold stone walls built to last that fall to fast. And as you wake up and drag your face from the floor you're startled by a knock at the door and for the first time in what seems like years you get up to answer "hello, my first name is distance and I really don't care if I never wake up again." I could say these things a thousand times a night, break in a cold sweat and wake up to see that everything's just like it was before you left. Even the scent of you can out live this death. And as I kiss your letters and inhale your smell 'til it turns sour I can only begin to describe the things I feel we could've had. This makes me sad. So you punch out the windows and climb free of me and you and everything that's turned untrue, no sweetness left or heartbreak glue. Just one wish.
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Subject:More then any girl
Time:11:09 am
sleeping due to dissapointment and more let downs, but hey, what's new. when you tell someone you love them and how much you care about them, you not only expect them to say it back but to feel it back. i wish you knew how much i actually cared about you. i love you, actually love you. and that is more than any girl has ever done for you
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Time:06:00 pm
time started: 6:00
full name: Leslie Porter
nickname(s): Les
birthday: October 15
where were you born: Kalamazoo
zodiac sign: Libra
hair color: Dark blonde
eye color: Brown
shoe size: 6 or 7
ring size: Which finger? Ring finger is a 6 and 1/2
skin type :tan now
blood type: ?
siblings: Ben
tattoos: 0
piercing: 1 in each ear
hobbies: Scrapbooking, Dancing, Having fun

color: purple, pink and blue
food: chinesse
candy: not much a candy eater
type of cheese: Cheddar
pizza topping: cheese
salad dressing: ranch
sandwich: turkey
cereal: none really
fruit: Pineapple
vegetable: carrots
berry: strawberries
cake: vanilla
book: Too many to choose from
movie: CenterStage or O
magazine: Cosmopolitan
newspaper: USA Today
tv show: Charmed or The OC
website: Livejournal
radio station: 93.1,95.5
cartoon character: none really
cd: to many to choose from
song: way too many to choose from
music group: too many
music type: everything really
day of the week: Saturday
month: August
season: Spring
holiday: not sure
number: 7
phrase: bite me
store: Target
weather: sun
restaurant: Olive Garden
channel: WB
teacher: Soby
weekend activity: shopping, hanging out
hangout: anywhere.
house color: brick
sport to watch: Hockey
sport to play: Gymnastics or Cheerleading
animal: cats
flower: red roses
guy's name: Justin
girl's name: Alisha
board game: mmm not sure
story from childhood: didnt have one
body part: eyes

have you ever
been on a train: yeah
been on a plane: yeah
been in a car accident: yeah
caused a car accident: no
run into a wall: yeah in the dark
burned a potato chip: no
almost burned the house down: no
smoked: cigarettes twice
been drunk: yes
been high: no
broken the law: yeah
burned a cd (if yes, the one above is yes): yeah
frenched an animal: no thats worse
had cyber sex: no
gotten engaged: Nope, but I want to be with Andrew
had an online relationship: yeah
been rejected by a crush: yes
loved: yes, I am now
made yourself cry to get out of trouble: no
cried in public: yes
cried over a movie: yes
fallen asleep in a movie theater: yes
given someone a bath: no but I've taken a shower with someone if that counts
been to a boarding school: no
been home-schooled: nope
lost a valuable item: yeah
bungee jumped: I wish
skied: no
met the president: no
met a celebrity: yup
gotten a cavity: nope
shopped at abercrombie & fitch: yeah
made a prank call: yeah
skipped school: when i was sick
faked sick to get out of school: yes
purchased something that you knew didn't fit: yeah when I had an eating disorder
climbed a tree: not lately when I was a kid yeah
fallen from a tree: no
broken a bone: yes
sprained anything: yeah
passed out: yeah
made yourself pass out: yeah from not eating
been to disney world: no
been to a theme park (not disney): yeah Cedar Point
said i love you and meant it (not to a relative): yes
made a model volcano (working model): yes
made a clover leaf with your tounge: no

what did you do yesterday: Went to school, did my homework, talked on the phone, went to WILLOW, and came back home
memory you miss the most: my 18th birthday with Andrew
memory you want to forget: New Year's Eve and winter break of 2002-2003
something you regretted after it was done: yeah

the last
song you heard: Locked Up by Akon
cd you bought: I don't remember
thing you said: not sure
time you cried: sunday
movie seen in a theater: Bourne Supremcy with Andrew this summer
thing you ate: rice
person who called: mother
nail polish shade worn: dont remember
time you showered: an hour ago
person who complimented you: two guys who hint on me tuesday

at this moment
what are you listening to: nothin
what are you wearing: sweat pants and a t-shirt
what are you thinking: I wish Andrew could be here
what are you scared of most: losing Andrew
how many people are on your buddy list: 137 but I dont talk to many of them like maybe 6

occupation: Journalist
marriage site: church
honeymoon: anywhere
place to live: not sure
kids: 4
car: mmm anything but the one I own
what are you doing tomorrow: party at Ambers
do you believe in
heaven: yes
hell: yes
devil: yes
god: yes
buddha: not really
aliens: no
ghosts: sort of
spirit (soul): yes
soulmates: yes :) because I've found mine
love at first sight: yes
love in general: yes
luck: yes
yourself: sometimes

who and when was your first crush: Evan Sharpley also my first kiss in 1st grade
any now: Andrew
a celebrity crush: Usher and Chad Micheal Murry
who do you want to be with right now: Andrew
whos number do you want: no ones really
what is something you dont understand about the opposite sex: too much
if you could go on a date with anybody, who would it be: Andrew
on scale of one to ten, how romantic are you: 9 or 9.5
first thing noticed about the opposite sex: personalitly
what do you look for personality-wise: Intelligence,kidness, humor
biggest turn on: mmm not sure
biggest turn off: smokes
something they wear that turns you on: cologne
something they wear that turns you off: not sure
the most romantic thing you want to happen to you: my wedding proposal
the most romantic thing that has happened to you: Andrew asking me to marry him the day after my birthday when he gave me my birthday gift it was almost like a proposal
what do you wear on a coffee date: idk, I don't drink coffee
is it right to flirt if you're taken:I dont like too
is cyber cheating: yeah if it isnt with the one your with
are eyes the passegeway to the soul: yeah
who would you like to take to the prom: Andrew
do you want to hug somebody right now: yes I want one from Andrew

one or the other
coke/pepsi: diet pepsi
sprite/7-up: sprite
boxers/briefs: boxers
gold/silver: gold
vanilla/chocolate: chocolate
flowers/candy: flowers
book/magazine: depends
tv/radio: radio
glass half empty/half full: half empty
democrat/republican: democrat
colored pencils/markers: colored pencils
coffee/tea: neither
sun/moon: moon
day/night: night
hot/cold:cold because you can always cuddle up and get warmer
dog/cat: cat
button/zipper: zipper
cotton/feather pillow: feather
blue/purple: blue
plumber/trashman: plumber
jeans/shorts: jeans
long distance relationship/none: long distance
mechanical/regular pencil: mechanical
that 70's show/simpsons: that 70s show
kelso/eric: kelso
donna/jackie: donna
bart/lisa: bart
romeo/juliet: romeo
romantic comedy/thriller: hard one
nsync/bsb: bsb
peanut butter/jelly: peanut butter
letter/email: letter
florida/california: Cali
pizza/burgers: pizza
hat/visor: visor
football/rugby: Football
iceskating/blading: iceskating
movie at home/in theater: both

are you
happy: yeah
sad: not really
religious: kinda
bitchy: can be
crazy: yeah
messy: kinda
mad: no
slacker: no
nerd: kinda
jock: no
preppy: yeah
selfish: no
giving: yes
obsessive: about certain things yes
violent: no
calm: yes
peaceful: yes
mellow: yes
eccentric: sure
caring: yes
untrustworthy: no
loyal: yes
patriotic: no not really
perverted: not really
colorful: yes
artistic: yes

what color is your jacket: black
what color is your razor: pink
what size is your bed: single
what color crayon would you be: blue
what are the last four digits of you phone number: 5726
feelings on abortion: NO PRO LIFE
how long does it take you to shower: 20 mins
what does your screenname mean: dont remember
who do you trust the most: probably Andrew
is cussing a necessity in life: no
how about coffee:no
is the world screwed: yeah, definatley if Bush is re-elected
what something you cant live without: music
what time did you fall asleep: last night? 11 or 12
know what 69 means: yeah
can you live without a microwave: no
what do think about death: sad
where and when do you want to be married: church, soon
do you want to drop out of school: no
why is the sky blue: idk
what is a good trait about yourself: I listen
what do you always think about: Andrew
do you talk to yourself: yeah
what is your opinion on love: makes me happy
can you afford to lose weight: YES
what color would you dye your hair: blonde
best thing anyones told you: I Love You
what is your reaction to someone telling you you're hot: yeah sure
if you wrote a book, what would it be about: love and pain
what would you change your name to: not sure but I would change it
longest crush lasted how long: 3 years
tme finished: 6:30

stole it from Amber
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Subject:Rock 'N Roll Gymnastics
Time:11:09 pm
Wow that was so much fun. The guys were so hot and most of them keep taking there shirts off everytime they came out onto the floor or on the bars and damn they were really hott!!!! It was really good and exciting to watch. I had a lot of fun and I'm gald because now I'm broke but it was worth it. I miss doing gymnastics so much but at least I get to watch it. Anyway the entry is really short because I'm really tired.
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Subject:The Best Poem Ever
Time:10:00 am
Current Mood:depressed& drained
Against love
By: Katherine Philips

Hence, Cupid! with your cheating toys,
Your real griefs and painted joys,
Your pleasures which itself destorys.
Lovers, like men in fever, burn and rave
And only what will injure them do crave.
Men's weakness makes Love so severe
They give him power by their fear
And make the shackles which they wear.
Who to another does his heart does submit
Makes his own idol, and then worships it.
Him whose heart is all his own
Peace and liberty does crown;
He apprehends no killing frown,
He feels no raptures which are joys diseased,
And is not much transported, but still pleased.

Such a beautiful peom. And so true in so many ways.
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Time:08:38 am
Popular interests among almost_wanted's friends
1. singing (4) 11. roses (2)
2. friends (3) 12. relaxing (2)
3. beauty (3) 13. musical theater (2)
4. concerts (3) 14. magnetic poetry (2)
5. cuddling (3) 15. john mayer (2)
6. music (3) 16. michelle branch (2)
7. dancing (3) 17. mindless self indulgence (2)
8. poetry (2) 18. pajamas (2)
9. rice (2) 19. movies (2)
10. shopping (2) 20. piano (2)
Interests gestalt
My most interesting friend is winter_dreaming who has 15 of these interests,
followed by cherryexposure (7), shortkakesweety (5) and xashley_nicolex (3).
Normality Index
My friends are 59.37% normal.
Analyze me !
Popular interests created by _imran_
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Time:12:32 am
Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a10
your best quality isyoure nice to everyone
your worst quality isyou deserve better
this is becauselifes a bitch
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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[icon] Almost Wanted
View:Recent Entries.
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